December 30, 2010

My Calling?

Usually this sort of statement isn't followed by a question mark. I know this. I do not however, know what "my calling" actually is. Does everyone have one? Lately I've been feeling quite calling-less in fact. I think we all believe that there is something we were just meant to do, and I have found a few things that were pretty close, until fate intervened.

Here is my current list of life-calling-almosts in no particular order:

:: pottery wheel instructor ::
I do still teach pottery wheel and am in my eighth year, but lately it has lost it's luster. I've been feeling that the kids don't realize/understand/appreciate that I am VOLUNTEERING my time and skills... Actually I had a kid TELL me to my face, in front of the whole class, that he could learn this anywhere. I took classes for 9 years and cost my parents hundreds and hundreds of dollars to learn what I am teaching you for free! What elementary school has a ceramics class anyway? These kids are so lucky! I had to go to a special arts school to learn this stuff. (sorry for the rant)
:: tea house owner ::
Ugh, I can't express how much I wish this had worked. However, I was foiled by the plummeting economy and a terrible business partner. I am still really sensitive about this one and tears come to my eyes... so nuff said.
:: artist ::
This actually still has potential if I just found my niche, but let's be honest.... being an artist just doesn't pay off unless you're dead.
:: belly dancer ::
I've performed all around the state and loved it, but since my troupe broke up I've had trouble finding classes to further myself. I've thought recently about teaching a belly dance class for kids (which could still happen I suppose).
:: seamstress ::
I love to sew! However, I think I'm a little too inconsistent in subject matter for it to be any real calling. I may test out the waters on Etsy. Maybe Etsy will love my odd sewing habits.

There are more almost-callings I'm sure, but these are the big ones. Perhaps I'm just whining... I don't know... I feel that there should be more to my life than just being a mother. Not that I don't enjoy it! I do! But I feel I have lost my own identity as a person. Lately I'm just Camster's mom. Surely I'm not the first new mother to feel this way. Sometimes I would like to just be "Sarah" for a little while.

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